Coffee Chat Debacle (and What It Taught Me)

In my freshman year of college, I learned about the concept of a coffee chat. And no, it's not entirely just sipping a latte and talking (though that can be a part of it). It's a casual conversation between two or more people to learn more about each other, a company, or a career path (at least, that's what the AI chat on Google search told me).

Sounds simple enough. Honestly, it's a great concept. I love people and learning about their backgrounds, interests, and the things that bring them happiness and motivation.

So why does a coffee chat give me so much anxiety?

After much thought, I've narrowed down the root causes for myself and many others.

Most of us are reaching out to employees at our dream companies or in our ideal positions, hoping to gain insight about their experiences, learn about their role, or perhaps even get a foot in the door. Already, that seems like a lot of pressure. On top of that, my mind starts scrambling with thoughts like: How do I convey that I actually want to get to know you, and this isn't all transactional? How do I show off my genuine self without compromising professionalism? What if they just don't like me?

Over the last few months, I have spent countless hours perfecting my resume, scheduling calls, and working on my brand. I did this thinking that the better an applicant I was and the more chats I had, eventually the nerves would disappear. 

They haven’t. 

At least, not entirely.

Here's what I've come to believe, and it's something my mentor at work conveyed perfectly.

Yes, coffee chats can feel like auditions, but the truth is that no one can replicate your energy, your story, or the energy you bring. So, whether the coffee chat goes amazingly well or awkwardly, whether I stutter or say something too eagerly, it doesn't define who I am. 

I'm still passionate. Still curious. Still, someone who loves connecting with others and learning about what inspires them.

And that's not something one 20-minute conversation can take away.

So, if you're anything like me, and your heart beats a little too fast as you enter the Microsoft Teams waiting room or you're analyzing every word before sending your "would love to connect!" email, know this: you don't need to win every coffee chat. 

You just need to show up as yourself. 

Because who you are is more than enough.